You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
