yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
