The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
God, I missed his penis.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
