New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
