I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we're making bets on your personal life
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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