i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
