just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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