Tell her she can't have a vagina
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Alive.
So much puke
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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