I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
