she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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