ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Barsexuality is the new black.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
