Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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