Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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