She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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