just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
