i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
