I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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