As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
oh god the rape fog is back!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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