Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
