Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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