There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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