hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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