We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
