No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
