Your mouth is God's brothel.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
