if i can run in heels then i can drive
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
