I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
