Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
