Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
