Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
