I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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