Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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