you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
North Korea, Best Korea!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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