I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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