can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
