He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
