You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
