I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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