There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
