Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
