hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
