i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
