alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My ass is underappreciated
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
