So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
