Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
