She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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