I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
