he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
