i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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