I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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