He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
