I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
